I don't do all that well with MMOs.

A few years back, I used to play RuneScape. I'd get an hour of time a day (stupid household with people who thought I needed excercize; we've since moved and good riddance to them) and I'd spend it gathering iron at the mining pit near the port, before walking back to Lumbridge and smelting the lot, then banking it at the town across from the forest.

I quit after a month.

A year or two after that, I joined Furcadia full of joy and optimism, and left two years later with a grimace on my face and a middle finger pointed to the rest of the world-don't let that game's saccharine exterior fool you, it's not a pleasant place unless you've got a bunch of friends at your back-friends I never managed to keep.

Anyway. During Furcadia, I also picked up an interesting little Korean MMO called WonderLand Online, that I abandoned when my previous laptop died. It was an interesting note, overall-a game that I actually, legitimately enjoyed, made friends on, and played with regularity (even if the chugging of my poor ThinkPad 600e required I put a bag of ice under it to keep my leg from barbequeing).
In short, it was an MMO I liked, and would probably have kept playing if not for the tragedy of my laptop's death. Rest in peace, Mordenkainen; you were loved, and are missed.

Now, I have a high tolerance for irritating in the prescence of fun or cool-my love of SLAI is testament to this; despite screaming fury and ragequit whenever beaten, I inevitably return to it like a determined lover. It's simply that good-c'mon folks, giant fighty robots!

Puzzle Pirates...is not.

I spent maybe two hours of my life on that game, two hours I will NOT be getting back. In those two hours, I made enough gold to get a sixtieth of a hat, lost in three horribly broken minigames, and-


THAT FUCKING GAME MADE ME BREAK MY 4 KEY.


THERE IS A FUCKING HOLE ON MY KEYBOARD WHERE MY 4 KEY WAS, WITH A LITTLE BLACK RUBBER BLEB STICKING UP AS IF SOME FUCKING INSULT TO MY HONOR, TO SAY "HA HA, YOU LOST AT A CUTESY PIRATE GAME, DON'T YOU SUCK, HEY, LOOK AT THE LOSER!"

NO AND FUCK YOU, PUZZLE PIRATES. FUCK YOU. FUCK THREE RINGS, FUCK YOHOHO, FUCK EVERYTHING EVEN VAGUELY RELATED TO YOU. GO AND DIE-NO, GO OFFER YOURSELF UP TO A CULT OF SLAANESH AND BE VIOLATED IN WAYS THAT RAPE THE LAWS OF PHYSICS.

IF A GAME IS GOING TO BE UTTER SHIT, AT LEAST LET ME ALLCAPS SO I CAN PROPERLY EXPRESS MY ANGER.

FUCK YOU, YOU MOTHERFUCKING PILE OF SHIT. MAY ALL THE FLEAS OF CALCUTTA, TIJUANA, AND RENO INFEST YOUR GENITALS. MAY YOU BE VIOLATED BY ALL THE CAMELS OF ALL THE DESERTS IN THE WORLD. MAY YOU MARRY A HIDEOUS WOMAN WITH AN UNPLEASABLE MOTHER-IN-LAW. MAY YOU BE SAVAGED BY DOGS AND FLENSED BY CATS, BITTEN BY HAMSTERS AND CLAWED BY GUINEA PIGS, RAPED BY DOLPHINS AND FINALLY TRAMPLED UPON BY ELEPHANTS.


YOU MADE ME BREAK MY FUCKING 4 KEY, YOU ASSHOLE.






...I'd like to say that was cathartic, but I'm still vaguely angry, and I haven't a clue how I'm going to get rid of it. It's 3:40 and I'm bored out of my mind, and SOMEHOW that.../insult/ to my computer is taking ten times the time to uninstall as it took to slither greasily onto my hard drive. The only reason I'm *merely* uninstalling it is because there is no "beat brutally before ejecting with a torrent of screaming profanity" option in Windows. Maybe there's one in Linux. I don't know, nor do I particularly care.


I'm off to do something else. I don't know what yet.