I don't do all that well with MMOs.

A few years back, I used to play RuneScape. I'd get an hour of time a day (stupid household with people who thought I needed excercize; we've since moved and good riddance to them) and I'd spend it gathering iron at the mining pit near the port, before walking back to Lumbridge and smelting the lot, then banking it at the town across from the forest.

I quit after a month.

A year or two after that, I joined Furcadia full of joy and optimism, and left two years later with a grimace on my face and a middle finger pointed to the rest of the world-don't let that game's saccharine exterior fool you, it's not a pleasant place unless you've got a bunch of friends at your back-friends I never managed to keep.

Anyway. During Furcadia, I also picked up an interesting little Korean MMO called WonderLand Online, that I abandoned when my previous laptop died. It was an interesting note, overall-a game that I actually, legitimately enjoyed, made friends on, and played with regularity (even if the chugging of my poor ThinkPad 600e required I put a bag of ice under it to keep my leg from barbequeing).
In short, it was an MMO I liked, and would probably have kept playing if not for the tragedy of my laptop's death. Rest in peace, Mordenkainen; you were loved, and are missed.

Now, I have a high tolerance for irritating in the prescence of fun or cool-my love of SLAI is testament to this; despite screaming fury and ragequit whenever beaten, I inevitably return to it like a determined lover. It's simply that good-c'mon folks, giant fighty robots!

Puzzle Pirates...is not.

I spent maybe two hours of my life on that game, two hours I will NOT be getting back. In those two hours, I made enough gold to get a sixtieth of a hat, lost in three horribly broken minigames, and-


THAT FUCKING GAME MADE ME BREAK MY 4 KEY.


THERE IS A FUCKING HOLE ON MY KEYBOARD WHERE MY 4 KEY WAS, WITH A LITTLE BLACK RUBBER BLEB STICKING UP AS IF SOME FUCKING INSULT TO MY HONOR, TO SAY "HA HA, YOU LOST AT A CUTESY PIRATE GAME, DON'T YOU SUCK, HEY, LOOK AT THE LOSER!"

NO AND FUCK YOU, PUZZLE PIRATES. FUCK YOU. FUCK THREE RINGS, FUCK YOHOHO, FUCK EVERYTHING EVEN VAGUELY RELATED TO YOU. GO AND DIE-NO, GO OFFER YOURSELF UP TO A CULT OF SLAANESH AND BE VIOLATED IN WAYS THAT RAPE THE LAWS OF PHYSICS.

IF A GAME IS GOING TO BE UTTER SHIT, AT LEAST LET ME ALLCAPS SO I CAN PROPERLY EXPRESS MY ANGER.

FUCK YOU, YOU MOTHERFUCKING PILE OF SHIT. MAY ALL THE FLEAS OF CALCUTTA, TIJUANA, AND RENO INFEST YOUR GENITALS. MAY YOU BE VIOLATED BY ALL THE CAMELS OF ALL THE DESERTS IN THE WORLD. MAY YOU MARRY A HIDEOUS WOMAN WITH AN UNPLEASABLE MOTHER-IN-LAW. MAY YOU BE SAVAGED BY DOGS AND FLENSED BY CATS, BITTEN BY HAMSTERS AND CLAWED BY GUINEA PIGS, RAPED BY DOLPHINS AND FINALLY TRAMPLED UPON BY ELEPHANTS.


YOU MADE ME BREAK MY FUCKING 4 KEY, YOU ASSHOLE.






...I'd like to say that was cathartic, but I'm still vaguely angry, and I haven't a clue how I'm going to get rid of it. It's 3:40 and I'm bored out of my mind, and SOMEHOW that.../insult/ to my computer is taking ten times the time to uninstall as it took to slither greasily onto my hard drive. The only reason I'm *merely* uninstalling it is because there is no "beat brutally before ejecting with a torrent of screaming profanity" option in Windows. Maybe there's one in Linux. I don't know, nor do I particularly care.


I'm off to do something else. I don't know what yet.

THIS IS GOING TO BE HIGHLY SELF-PITYING; read it or don't I don't care...

...not like I ever come back on here anyway...

Two years ago, now, I joined Furcadia. And it was glorious. Surrounded by friends and new things and fascinating changes, some light in my deathly dull world, and I stayed. I fell in love with a beautiful woman who I would eventually realize...didn't really care about me.

And the pattern was set for the next two years.

Breakup after breakup, abandoning friend after friend, falling in with bad crowds over and over, losing the innate cheerfulness that used to be mine.

My god, I look back at how happy I used to be. I was...carefree. A free spirit. I didn't care what anyone said, I didn't hate or envy or resent...I enjoyed artists for their art and didn't care that they never replied.

Somewhere in those two years, that changed. Somewhere, I became a Channer, even if I'm a member of one of the good boards. I sit and hate and cling to my hate because it keeps me alive, from finding the gun or the rope or the knife, for the pills perhaps to end myself in the manner of Monroe and so many others.

I swore to myself that if I died, I'd go out killing someone I hated.

Now...now, I realize, I could probably never go through with it. I'd be too down-crushing myself under my own despair. I could never raise the gun, whet the knife, much less the grandiose fantasies of hijacking an entire hotel to kill one talentless, worthless author.

Without the hate, two things keep me going-Girl Genius, and Zero Punctuation. The Foglios are entertaining enough that I can ignore the fact that I've never gotten a response from them, and Yahtzee Croshaw is funny enough that I can ignore the fact he hates his fanbase.

Andrew Dickman can no longer subside off the fact that I once loved Mary Ann Tigress.

Sigurdhosenfield can no longer subside off the fact that Princess Peach is hot.

bleedman can no longer...why did I even start reading his comics in the first place? They're bad fanfic with good illustrations.

So...here it is. My soul bared to the world, to whoever comes across my page and bothers to read it all the way through, begging for a torrent of "lol u suk" and "cheer up, emo kid."

But I am not fucking emo. I am legitimately depressed, if not clinically. I am not some worthless prick in expensive jeans and black hair dye who listens to My Chemical Romance.

I am a very sad kid...man...who normally loves electronica and gaming, and who just so happens to be a furry.

Times are hard, and I have no one to love.

I've lost my laptop's power cord, so all the things that require me to have something installed will be ungraced by my prescence for a while. In about two weeks, I'll have another one and will be back.

Also, annoyingly, my PS2 has pulled yet ANOTHER Disc Read Error. Which means I'm limited to Animal Crossing for a while. Joy.

Friends



People I admire


So yeah.

BIKEGOODBIKEGOODRIDEFUNYAYAYAYAYAYADRENA LINERUSH!!!


....first thing this morning I went for a ride on my new bike.

I fell down three times and hit and SUV at a stoplight!!

It was the most fun I've ever had!

....I am still so blitzed from the adrenaline of charging down a hill near our house and spinning out on the turn to our street. I scraped the hell out of my hands and I couldn't care less!

Friends, you know who you are AND I LOVE YOU ALL.

Rules:
1. You must answer every question
2. Be honest
3. Pass onto 6 of ur friends

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF
Name: I no say. >>
Birthday: Dec. 11
Birthplace: Some hospital in Philadelphia.
Current Location: California
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Strawberry Blonde/red
Height: 6'summat
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right
Your Heritage: Irish/English
The Shoes You Wore Today: Wal-Mart Surf 'N Sand flip-flops
Your Weakness: I shall never reveal!
Your Fears: Being buried alive, dying alone
Your Perfect Pizza: Veggie with sausage and canned mushrooms and ricotta
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: BIOSHOCK GET!
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: ;sighs
Your Bedtime: 9 or so
Your Most Missed Memory: Wha?
Pepsi or Coke: Pepzi
MacDonalds or Burger King: Taco Bell
Single or Group Dates: Single, I guess
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Neither.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Peanutbutter.
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee with copious amounts of NesQuik powder.
Do you Smoke: Nyet
Do you Swear: In five languages, three of which are fictional.
Do you Sing: In a voice totally unsuited to me.
Do you Shower Daily: Da.
Have you Been in Love: Don't get me started...
Do you want to go to College: Do I have a choice?
Do you want to get Married: Only if I can find a girl I want IRL.
Do you believe in yourself: Depends on my mood.
Do you get Motion Sickness: Negatory
Are you a Health Freak: What, ya kidd'n?
Do you like Thunderstorms: Haven't had one in a while.
Do you play an Instrument: Used to play the piano.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Nyet.
In the past month have you Smoked: Um, we just COVERED that...
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Nuh-uh.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: I wish!
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Haven't had 'em in an AGE
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Ugh, sushi. x.x
In the past month have you been on Stage: Nein
In the past month have you been Dumped: Nuh-uh...I hope.
Do you work: Bah, geddaway. Genius by birth, slacker by choice.
In a Boy/Girl: Eh?
Favourite Eye Color: Green
Favourite Hair Color: Not sure I have one.
Short or Long Hair: Loooong.
Weight: 210, maybe 19somethin by now
Best Clothing Style: Brown Levis and jacket/shorts and suitjacket
Number of Drugs I have taken: One which did nada for me
Number of CDs I own: Copied or real?
Number of Piercings: 0
Number of Tattoos: None
Number of things in my Past I Regret: Several, none of which are your buisness.

I tag crimsonbloodvampire, jaksguardiandragon, teronwarfang, and...one random reader to be chosen later.